It’s love season right around the Corner and I decided to share with you some tips on building a healthy relationship. Am no expert In relationships but, I do have a few tips to share . All romantic relationships go through ups and downs and they all take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change with your partner. But whether your relationship is just starting out or you’ve been together for years, there are steps you can take to build a healthy relationship.
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go. And that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner. Healthy relationships bring out the best in you and make you feel good about yourself. A healthy relationship does not mean a “perfect” relationship, and no one is healthy 100% of the time, but the signs below are behaviors you should strive for in all of your relationships.
Good communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.
You’re not afraid of disagreement. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
Trust. It involves honesty and integrity. You don’t keep secrets from each other. When you’re apart, you don’t worry about them pursuing other people. But trust goes beyond believing they won’t cheat or lie to you. It also means you feel safe and comfortable with them and know they won’t hurt you physically or emotionally. You know they have your best interests in mind but also respect you enough to encourage you to make your own choices.
Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person. Share with me more ideas in the comment section. Happy Valentine’s Day to all lovers.
This one is for all the hearts wondering if they can love again . Being in a relationship can be a very exciting time. However when breakups happen it can leave you feeling very hurt and confused. It’s common to wonder if it’s possible to love again. It takes time to recover from a heart break. You will feel sad, angry and confused, do not try to ignore these feelings instead give yourself time to process them. Check out my blog post on “dealing with a broken heart” for a better understanding. Unfortunately there is no safe way to safeguard yourself from a heartbreak but every time it happens you grow . Remember that love didn’t hurt you, someone who doesn’t know how to love you did .
At the onset of a break up it can look hopeless and feel as though you will never fine love again. It is always difficult to move forward because of the time and energy you have invested. Because this relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean the opportunity to love won’t happen for you . It takes a strong heart to love and it takes a truly strong heart to love again after being hurt .
When it comes to love I think it’s safe to say we are all looking for the right person. How do you know you found the right person? Allow me to share with you FIVE signs of a good person.
You will feel emotionally stable . The person won’t put you on an emotional roller coaster where your quite uncertain of their interest in you . They will tell you and show you how they really feel about you .
You will fight . A great relationship is about two things . First accepting the similarities and two respecting the differences. Fighting is essential in a healthy relationship depending how you go about it. Couples who ldo not have differences in their relationship are like ticking bombs wanting to explode.
They will communicate and be honest with you . Someone who has real interest in you will be honest from the start. They’ll tell you everything . Even the things you do not expect.
They’ll respect you . Respect who you are , your past , your decisions your interest and your time . They are always willing to respect everything about you .
They’ll always want to spend time with you and do not make excuses . If someone truly wants you they will go out of their way to be with you .
Someday you will meet someone and just click, someone your comfortable with with and you do not have to pretend to be anyone or anything . You won’t have to worry about changing this person. Share with me your thoughts in the comment section.
I remember the first time I got my heart broken , at that time I didn’t know what mindfulness or mind-body connections were. All I knew then was shame and the pain the pierced through me . I was only 20 didn’t have much life experience like I do now . I survived of course and have had a lot more heart breaks . I mean everyone does , I don’t know a single person who’s heart hasn’t been broken at least once . After a deeply emotional experience we often left with a sort of debris.
Here’s a theory I discovered over the years “ The amount of pain and unpleasantness we are supposed to feel every time we have a traumatic experience is not infinite. This amount could be huge when we experience something very impactful like someone’s death or a divorce . The point is when we don’t allow ourselves to really feel these pain or emotions, getting to the bottom of that pain takes a little bit longer.Unless we really let this feelings be when it comes up and give it the space to evolve, it will keep coming back until we are able to give it the attention it deserves. I always thought suppressing my pain and walking around like everything was okay was the way to go . No it’s okay to break down, cry if you have to that’s how you take your mind away from falling into depression. Here’s a few ways I get over some really emotional times in my life
Identify the root of the problem as well as your role in it , do not over analyze, or try to distract or justify the facts. Get clear on the reality of the situation, you need to give yourself time and space to experience the full uninterrupted expression of what you feel.
Get a grip of your mind . Over thinking causes more distress than we can imagine. Mind you I am and over thinker. Thinking thoughts that only make you sad is equivalent to serving yourself up for distress. Only you can get a grip of your own mind .
Upgrade your personality. You may not be the person you like to be . Choose features of your personality you will like to upgrade and take the necessary actions
Spend time with loved ones . We feel warmer, happier and much more better if we love and let ourselves be loved . Acknowledge the reality of others include others in your plans and try not to isolate yourself.
Focus on observing how your emotional pain manifest in your body. Learn to love yourself unconditionally, when you feel the pain that you feel someone else caused try to find the need that is not being fulfilled, try to fulfill that need yourself by giving yourself what’s missing. Healing yourself emotionally is undoubtedly the best gift you will ever give yourself.
Every time you choose not to fall into your old familiar pattern of hurt followed by acceptance or revenge, you take steps away from the old stories you have bought into . You make a move toward freeing yourself from the bondage of the emotional whims . Share with me your thoughts in the comments am always open to new ideas .
Like I said in my previous post, these year has been a combination of my worst and best year . Lately things seemed to be going down the drain for me . There are things in life I definitely don’t want as a part of my lives history. I sometimes don’t want this things to be a reality. I know am definitely not the only one struggling with accepting reality especially with everything going on in 2020
Accepting reality might be a very difficult process. It does not mean we are ok with what we are accepting, it doesn’t mean with agree with it either. The best thing one can do when it rains is let it rain . Acceptance is all about the present and has nothing to do with the future. Accepting reality is not an act of failure but an act of courage for those who have the strength to face the truth and stop denying it .
Rejecting reality does not change it . Suffering is sometimes the minds refusal to accept reality. In order to accept reality we have to start with the first step which is radical acceptance. It is a skill for accepting things the way that they are. It helps you accept the reality of the situation so you can make smart choices. Radical acceptance means exactly what it sounds like .
You have to accept reality no matter what reality is. The first part of radical acceptance is understanding what you can not change and recognizing what you can change. You can change how long you choose to dwell on things, the choices you make , your attitude, your relationship with God and many others.
Sometimes we face unpleasant situations and difficult problems that make us feel helpless, confused and frustrated. Don’t try to understand everything cause somethings are not meant to be understood but accepted. You don’t have to continue suffering at the hands of things you can not control. Accept whatever situation your facing and let God take over. Remember to always stay positive.
Share your ideas and thoughts with me in the comment section am always open to new ideas .
I woke up this morning feeling very empty . I had some kind of pain in me . Lately I have felt very weak and defeated in the spirit, I found myself asking God a series of questions. Why do certain things happen to us ? Why does he allow the devil to place hatred, wickedness, sickness, loss, and disappointments in our lives and the world.
I decided to turn to my bible for answers. I started reading the book of Mathew in the New Testament. It is one of my favorite chapters cause I love reading about Jesus teachings and his life journey. One thing that caught my attention was Mathew 12-13 . It tells me Jesus really does understand when we suffer similar loses. He weeps too when we cry. It’s easy for us to sometimes forget the humanity of Jesus.
We forget that he lost loved ones too. We forget he was rejected, he got frustrated at his disciples when they didn’t understand, he was betrayed too. He feels everything that we feel and he is there to walk us through our pain . All we need to do is believe and pray. Pain and problems don’t come from God but from the devil. Remember the story of job? God wants us to pray and he shall lift our burdens away from us . Mathew 6:25-33
Even when Jesus knew he was to be nailed on the cross he prayed and said “God if it is possible take this pain away from me “ He is just as human as we are .
As my birthday approaches I keep getting more excited. I have decided to celebrate this new age with an Important event in my life. I really hope it motivates someone reading this. Two years ago around this same time I had a profound moment in which I realized I needed to completely change my life . I needed to do it fast and I needed to do it right . Most importantly I needed to stick to it . It’s been very challenging but I am so grateful for my rock bottom moment. My life feels completely different .
If I have learned anything on this personal development journey of mine, is that changing your life can happen in a moment of truth. The only thing I look back to on this day is to celebrate how far I have come on this journey. Imagine living life a whole year and you find yourself in the same exact place as you were the previous year ?
Maybe there’s someone reading this right now asking themselves “how do I change my life? “ Well I will share three things you need to consider before making this change.
Make a mindset shift. Your mindset is what sets the tone for everything in your life. What we think and believe is what acts upon us . Change your prospective about negative things and things you can not control. You may not be able to control how a person treats you but can control how you react to it . You do not need to change for the world . You need to change for you .
Embrace your authentic self . Understanding who you are and what you want . I really didn’t know who I was for a very long time . I wanted to be what everyone wanted me to be . This played a huge part in me feeling lost and empty for so long . Figure out what really matters to you in life . Minds are like flowers they only open when the time is right
Do a life audit start to figure out where you stand in the 8 areas of life. Personal Development, health, relationship, home life, free time, self-care and finances. What changes will make an impact in this areas.
I hope you make a decision today if you’re feeling lost . Share with me your thoughts in the comment section below. I am always open to new ideas for growth.
Happy birthday to everyone born today . And a very happy birth to all the Virgo’s reading this.
It’s my birthday month which I am usually stupidly always excited about every year. With every year that passes I totally embrace my new age and always thinking my new age is better than the last. I have really grown so much in the past years and this year has been a combination of the best and worst year of my life . I feel blessed for making it far into this year for many did not .
Because I am in my defining decade I don’t plan on screwing anything up . With this new age I plan on really upgrading my personality and creating long term goals . I want to share with you seven life upgrading lessons I have learned within the past years . I hope it motivates you to do the same.
I have learned to let go of my ego . Life becomes easier when you accept an apology you never got . I have learned my ego blinds and filters me from possibilities and progress.
I have learned to stop feeling bad about things of the past . The life in front of you begins in your mind. What you give power to has power over you. I learned to stop the heavy use of shoulda, woulda, coulda. Life is not a series of failures but an opportunity to get back up every time you fall .
I started taking really good care of my health. To be wealthy is to be healthy. Once your health is gone you really never get it back .
I started practicing mindfulness, I became more aware of my thoughts, my body sensation and surrounding. Mindfulness is a way of befriending ourselves. It really helps deal with stress in a very healthy way.
I learned to appreciate failure more. Failure is the best thing that can contribute to the making of an adult. To get a deeper knowledge of my understanding of failure read – THE SIMPLE POWER OF FAILURE.
I stopped making excuses and letting myself off the hook for not being the person I want to be. We will be happier and more successful if we stop giving excuses for everything.
And last but not the least I constantly want to learn something new and grow in it . Change is the end result of all true learning.
Share with me your thoughts in the comment section. Happy birthday to all born in the month of August .
Sometimes we have those weeks where you don’t even wish you could hit rewind and do it all over again but instead wish you could hit all delete.
Here’s a little rundown of how last week went for me. Monday I was up late and missed an interview for a really great job, Tuesday my car broke down in the middle of traffic and I had to spend quite a lot to get it fixed and out of there . Wednesday I lost a friendship I cared much about , Thursday I felt really sick and could barely make it out of bed , Friday I lost my credit card and had some unknown transactions, Saturday I got a speeding ticket and Sunday after service my car wouldn’t start due to my battery dying.
It seemed that everything that could go wrong went wrong . Most reaction people have when the walls begin to crumble is crumble right along with the walls. I have learned not to allow the events in my life determine the course of my life. It is your reaction to this events that determine the quality of your lives.
When negative events seem to happen simultaneously it feels suffocating and difficult to overcome. The truth is there are many ways to cope with a bad day or week . I want to share the 3 things I did to help me through my bad week .
Dwell on the good things though it seems tough. With all the bad things happening to me there were equally good this that happened. Like I got another job interview with a better pay, got a $200 gift card from my sister to make me feel better. Instead of dwelling on this good things I made the mistake of dwelling on the bad ones. We should be thankful for the good things that happen to us no matter how small they may seem . Make a list of the good and bad things and celebrate the good ones.
Everything will be fine, it’s really not the end. Life has continual ups and down . We all have had low patches before and was able to get through them and learned from them. We are more than capable of overcoming anything . Focus on the things that makes you happy , get a massage, get some food , watch a movie . Do anything that makes you happy. As much as we might not like this idea but somethings are out of our control. Remember there are people who will love to have your bad days
Challenge yourself. Ok we had a bad week , will you let next week be the same? Accept the fact that there will always be bad days or weeks. Let the steam off , talk to someone if you have to. We have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of our life.
Share with me a week or day that was bad in your life and how you dealt with it in the comment section. I am always open to new ideas.
Can you recall a time when somebody was kind to you ?
Now change that scenario and think of a time you were kind to another person. Think of their reaction and how you responded.
If you read further into your mind, you should know that kindness affects the users and the experiencer . It equally affects those who witness this act .
Everyone (me included) is waiting to be discovered or become rich believing that it holds the keys of happiness, The plane fact is the planet doesn’t need more successful people as much as it desperately needs more restores, peacemakers, healers and lovers of every kind . Things could change so entirely in a heartbeat, the world could be made anew because someone was kind .
Kindness will solve many problems than conflict will ever, many people seem to think kindness portraits weakness . The reality is, it portraits growth and a healthy mindset . Always seek ways you can be the kinder person. We must be the change that we wish to see in the world.
It is not enough to say I want to be a kind person , be it , do it . It cause $0.00 to be kind . All the greats that have lived and are living now have developed their kindness to a standard of excellence. They conduct themselves in such a way that people think they are gifted . That is not the case . Kindness is something we learn and master.
I always imagine living in a perfect world where everyone is kind. People treating one another with love and respect. Then I wonder why this is only a fiction and not reality. There are Many areas in our daily life where we can be kind . I was always terrified of my employers until my present employer. He and his family are one of the kindest people I ever met . Despite the difference in social status and race he was still as kind as an angel . Little does he know his small act of kindness lives with me eternally . One act of kindness changes someone’s entire day and maybe life.
Kindness improves and strengthens social connections and relationships. It is an important prediction of satisfaction and long term stability. Kindness is contagious. Simple act of kindness sparks another and those who witness or receive this act of kindness are more likely to pay it forward . Because I saw my parents be kind to all around them and me , I will definitely be kind to all and my kids. Because my boss is kind to me and all his employees so shall we be kind to our employees and co-workers . This just goes to proves the power of kindness.
Be somebody that makes everybody feel like a somebody . The world is full of kind people if you can’t find one, be one . Kindness doesn’t only entail giving . A few kind words can help a person a lot more than you think . In a world where you can be anything , choose kindness
Share with me what you think the world will look like if everyone was just a little kind in the comment section . I will love to engage more with my readers follow my IG page real-life-challenge2.
Self-sufficient can also be called independence. The ability to be self-sufficient is something that not everyone one possesses . In order to survive this world there’s a need to be independent. It’s all about being secured in you and what you believe in . At the end of the day you have yourself to fall back on . Don’t be trapped living the results of other people’s thinking. Do we really need the approval of others for everyday decisions we make ? Being self-sufficient is not being lonely . For some reason people think it’s wired to go see a movie alone . You can’t talk to the person you go with anyway so why not go by yourself. I have learned to do a lot of activities by myself and still have same amount of fun maybe more .
People are unable to be independent for a variety of reasons, fear of being alone, the fear of rejection and the fear of the future. I too had all these fears at some point. You need to realize that your are in charge of you own happiness. Having the ability to be happy regardless of being in a relationship is an amazing attribute. There’s no reason to base your life on relationships with people. All relationships end at some point or another . Being alone is not a problem but only proves your a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others .
Establishing your personal space is virtual to understanding who you are as a person. It can be scary but it’s worth a try . Being self-sufficient increases your self-esteem . The believe that you are unable to live life without others approval is and attribute of low self-esteem. Learn to be comfortable with your independence. Adopt good self care habits like , eating healthy, exercising and taking time for yourself. Have a good work or school balance . I have spent so much time improving my self care habits and less time worrying about people absent from my life .
Being self-sufficient is a beautiful behavior that everyone should achieve. It allows you to embrace your thoughts and establish healthy habits . I can not stress enough how important it is to be independent. So many things are out of your control and always will . The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself. Share with me your opinions in the comment section below .
I would love to give a shout out to DR Fawzy Masoud . He is a senior accredited psychotherapist base in London . Be sure to check his website http://www.psychotherapy-londons.com/ Also get a copy of his new romance comedy play “My Heart Not My Eyes” . I have read it and will totally recommend it .
In my previous blog post titled “when to give up “ constant failure was a key point . In my conclusion it was clearly stated that giving up should never be an option but if it is, then it’s time to . How do you react when you fail? I have failed in so many aspects over the years . Class examination, my first job, my first driving test, my business venture , the list can go on and on. Most of us (me included) think failure is unacceptable, as a result we dream of a land of perfectionism where there are few risk and fewer opportunities. Obviously failure isn’t something any of us enjoy. But for a lot of successful people the long term gain is worth the pain at the front end. Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly .
Failure can be an efficient teacher in our carriers, our financial lives and in living our goals . Before you can fail, you have to expand your horizons, take new risk . Many people avoid failure because the are scared of moving backwards after success. But even if your moving in the wrong direction, your still headed somewhere. Every slip up bring you one step closer to success. It inspires us to broaden our thinking . The more you work on something the more meaning it carries . If it were so easy to accomplish our goals then it won’t be worth accomplishing.
Failure has a way of motivating and keeping you humble. It helps overcome fear . Once you face it, it becomes the enemy you know. There’s a popular saying “if it doesn’t kill you, it only makes you stronger.” This familiarity helps you move with confidence that a stumble or a fall won’t be the end of your journey. Society seems to have a huge hang up on failure, using it to define us , stop us from trying again .
Sometimes failing at something even if you truly desire it is and indication that something elsewhere isn’t right. Luckily for us we live in a prosperous world. Where there isn’t just one opportunity to do anything. There are always second chances and sometimes third .
Failure isn’t what defines us but and asset for our growing skill. It builds character. When you fail you develop a deeper understanding of yourself. success is often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable. There’s so much I have and we can all learn from failure . I have not failed I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work . Have you benefited from failure ? What is the most surprising or important lessons it taught you?
Share it with me in the comment section , I am always open to all opinions.
Sometimes if not often I am really unfair to myself and relentlessly compare myself to other people , no matter how many times I hear how good enough I am. I get stuck in myself and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much. Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip. Most times the pressure coming from peers, family, work and society in general Is enough to make us completely broken Inside. “Why is this a problem you ask ?” well Self-hate can affect us mentally, our relationships, our life goals and education. Dealing with self-hate has been an ongoing battle for so long, maybe it has to do with my obsession with perfection. And for you struggling with self-hate like me here’s a few things to remember.
1) Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. The reasons we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes circumstances with everyone’s else’s public highlight reel. Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgoing yourself to live your best life.
2) Remember happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is“ rather than wishing and worrying about what is not, “what supposed to be” or “what it will not be”. You can’t control everything that happens to you you can only control the way you react to what happens.
3) When you choose to be miserable you will find plenty of reasons to be but if you choose happiness, life will give you so many reasons to be happy. You are in control of your mind and your thoughts, not the other way around.
4) Failures are really just lessons that need to be learned. No day is ever wasted when you live it with purpose and presence. Enjoy the journey when there are detours along the way. Life it self is full mistakes how we learn from this mistakes is the definition of who we are .
5) Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first then the lessons afterwards. This is really a blessing if we look at it in a Christian light, means you’re going stronger and more capable of every passing day.
6) You don’t need anyone’s approval. Stop listening to what the world has to say and start listening to you. There are only a few people in the world that will be 100% honest with you and you’re one of them. You’re more than good enough you just have to own it .
7) celebrate all your wins not only the big ones but the small ones too. A small step forward is still a step forward no matter how small it is. Celebrate the small wins in anyway you can. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself. Tell yourself you’re not up to a potential won’t help you reach that potential.
You’re enough just the way you are, it will be a lot easier every time you remind yourself s of that. You may think there’s a lot of wrong with you but there’s also a lot of right with you . Remember you’re not alone and endings are also new beginnings.
Share with me the points that relate to you most in the comment section and I am always open to opinions.
As much as I think of myself as easy-going, I struggle like many others to deal with change. I like having my future mapped out in a list and ideas in fact I try to minimize the level of uncertainty in my life. My struggles with change has been an ongoing battle for years but became more difficult at the start of the world’s pandemic. Change is the law of life, Often times the hardest changes to understand and adjust to are the ones that are unexpected and out of control. Any life is a life of change. We experience transition in work and relationships, Changes in our physical health, mental health, and changes around the world. Like the global pandemic we are all dealing with. Sometimes change is expected while other times it comes suddenly and unexpectedly. Maybe it’s a disappointment or a wonderful surprise.
There are moments in our life when we look around and realize that everything is changing and we just don’t know how to control it. Everyone goes through changes in their lives, I have dealt with changes some good and some bad . If we can learn to leave with change We will lower the risk of depression, relationships will be more healthy, our minds and bodies will flourish. Luckily there are ways to adapt to change and even take advantage of it . I will share with you the five ways I Learned to deal with change.
1) Focus on your values instead of your fears. Remind yourself of what’s important. Reflecting on personal values helps us rise above the immediate threat. Don’t expect stability in whatever situation. instead of feeling personally attacked think of the good things life has offered you.
2) Give yourself a break in time of change. You may feel out of control, you may feel like your not living up to your expectations. Nothing says you have to function 100% all the time. Change is one of the greatest things about being human. Once I accepted that I couldn’t control some things changing, I became less anxious.
3) Be patient. It takes time to adapt to differences. trust the process. It takes a long time to adapt to change . Especially a negative change . Take for example the pandemic Covid-19. It is likely to be around for a long time, we must learn to be patient with the changes it’s bringing. I am not a patient person but I have learned to achieve it. Life may start one way and end another way.
4) Be part of the change . Adopt an attitude of anticipation and excitement. See change as an opportunity. See the positivity in the way forward. I was resistant to the changes in 2020 until I saw them as an opportunity to turn things around . See it as a growth and learning process.
5) find new meaning. Adapt to new realities, the key is to remember that change is everywhere and It may take away the outer things in your life. It doesn’t have to change who you are and what you have been working hard for. Find new ways to live with the change and new meanings to it .
It’s not so much that we are afraid of change or are so involved with our old ways, but it’s the place in between that we fear. Share with me your opinion on dealing with change in the comment section.
Often times we ask ourselves is it time to give up. Growing up I refused to take no for an answer especially from my dad even when I never really needed the stuff I asked for. That’s really when I understood it will be difficult for me to give up on things. However I have realized that blind persistence could turn into an exhausting and useless quest. One of the biggest challenges in life is knowing when to give up or change direction. It’s OK to stop trying maybe we would be a lot healthier, maybe wealthier and altogether happier , if we gave up on many things holding us back. Yeah I know we have been told never to give up , that has been the key verse in many of my write ups. No one likes to quit, perseverance is a great quality. A lot of great people would never have found success if they hadn’t kept getting up every time they got knocked down.
Listen, sometimes giving up is exactly what we should do. Yeah we are taught perseverance but sometimes that perseverance is what keeps us from moving forward. We all face life situations that demand that we choose to keep trying or give up. Professional situations, romantic relationships, relationships with family or friends. Giving up doesn’t make you a Failure. It only means you are mature enough to know when to cut your loss and move on. It means you are someone who has the ability to protect their mental health.
The painful truth is that some dreams don’t come true, some relationships Will never be healthy, some people will never love you the way you need to be loved. There are times you know In your heart it won’t work out, let’s say you are trying to sustain a friendship that is going through a rough patch. Think about if the person is willing to put as much effort as you are if not I think it’s time for you to find new friends.
Dreams are wonderful but we shouldn’t sacrifice our daily happiness for the hope of happiness in some distant future. Are you happy as you pursue your goals? Think about what you really want. Life is about the journey not the Destiination. ( it’s not how fast you go but how far you go). If the Journey makes you miserable then the Destiination is not worth it. What scares you from quitting? Are you worried about letting someone down? You can’t sacrifice your own happiness to make others happy. Let other people take care of themselves. Do what ever You need to find your own happiness.
The idea of giving up on something you’ve held so close to you can be terrifying. Especially in a relationship. Even when you think you can’t leave without that person, Remember that You are great no matter the decision you make. You’ll feel a loss at first but new desires and relationships will come. Following a long term dream isn’t going to be heart and roses all the time. If trying to accomplish your dreams make you feel like a failure then is time to stop. You’re only human you don’t have the power to bend the world to your wheel. Move on and find something that fulfills you. When the idea of giving up floats you with relief then is time to.
Giving up should never be your first option and yes it’s ok to if it’s an option. Share with me the situations in your life that makes you feel like giving up in the comment section. Would love to hear your opinion on this .
I used to be afraid of loosing people until I realized most of them were never really down for me anyways. Even though my loyalty and love for them ran deep. Your fake friends are ruining you. I know it sounds harsh but it’s important to know who your real friends are . It can be challenging to know your friends are actually frenemies. What is a frenemy? it is someone Your friendly with , They might pretend to want you to do good on the surface but behind your back they are jealous and gossip about you. Unfortunately we leave in the kind of world where we run into these people. Don’t take it personal when you encounter a fake friend . A person who is fake to you is equally fake to others .
I mean for years I was surrounded by frenemies. The thing is it is always had to tell if someone is a fake friend. Keep in mind that feeling suspicious of a persons sincerity is usually a sign that something is not right. Before getting into why getting rid of fake friends is important let’s talk about how to identify a Frenemy. The five ways below are ways I knew I had Frenemies and not friends.
1) your friendship with them is conditional: A conditional friendship is when your friends expect you to give them certain things, act a certain way, dress in certain clothes Or follow some superficial standards before they can be friends with you. If someone requires you to be something other than yourself before they are friends with you , that’s not a real friend. The day I changed was the day I quit trying to fit in a world that never really fit me.
2) fake friends act differently when they are around other people. This is an obvious sign of a fake friend. There always nice to you privately and give you cold shoulders around others. Real friends are never ashamed of treating you with kindness and never laugh at you around their friends but speak highly of you .
3) fake friends will speak poorly of you behind your back. Why would someone you consider a friend feel it’s ok to talk about you to others . When you genuinely care about someone you never speak about their difficulties or problems to another. The worst pain is getting hurt by a person you explain your pain to.
4) fake friends stop talking to you after a disagreement Or take problems to social media. The real test of friendship occurs when you and your friend actually disagree on something. It is times like these you see a person‘s true colors. Do they talk about the problem with you or others? Do they try to work it out Or take it to social media throwing all kinds of subs at you? People show their true colors unintentionally pay attention. Real friends always talk things out, yes they do fight about things but always find a way to work it out with you and not others.
5) fake friends always bring you down. Yes they want to see you do good but never better than them remember that. They never support you in anything you do but always find a way to bring you down.
Why it’s important to access your friends actions it is also important to honestly reflect on your own actions. Honestly I haven’t been a very good friend to many and yeah I can admit to that . I really became a good friend when I was able to differentiate my friends and Frenemies. Unfortunately friends who you once couldn’t get enough of morph Into people you no longer want to have in your life. Now that you have identified your Frenemies let’s talk about how to get rid of them .
1) rise above pettiness and bitterness. Friendship rarely ends in a positive note especially if you made the conscious decision of actively removing someone from your life, but with fake friends it has to be done. Don’t attack them, don’t stop talking to them either. If they talk to you it’s ok to respond. Check on them if you have to but never consider them a friend. Consider them more of an acquaintance than a friend. Always remember to be Kind .
2) You lose some you gain a tone more. Although you might be losing the people closest to you, you are still surrounded by many genuine friends who care and love you not to mention the really cool friends you’re going to meet in the future. There are no strangers only friends you haven’t met yet. The only time I realized I had genuine friends was when I got rid of fake friends.
3) forgive and forget. Don’t hold onto the anger and bitterness . some relationship have an expiring date and you can’t help that. The universe has a plan and the journey of you guys being friends have now come to an end no had feelings Let it go . Sometimes you just have to be done ,not mad ,not upset just done.
Share your worst friendship experiences with me in the comment section would love to read them . Make sure to always come back for more real life inspiration.
January 1 2020 marked the beginning of a new decade that many looked at with optimsm and a chance on a new lesson on life. Now only a few months into 2020 many are wondering if this year could get any worst. I wonder if what has happened so far could be a forbidding indicator of what is to come. 2020 has been and emotional draining year for me, with so many tragedies happening around the world and the personal adjustment I have had to make. I believe am not alone on these and feel like many feel the same way . And many like me have come to the conclusion that 2020 is a year worth canceling . Before going into my point I would like to give a recap of the events that have occurred around the world.
Australian bush fire. More than half of Australia have been directly affected by bush fire crises including millions whose health were affected. This occurred January 9 2020 at the very start of the year.
Taal volcano eruption in the Philippine which occurred January 12 2020. There were no immediate reports of casualties but there was major damage.
The tragic death of Kobe Bryant on January 26 2020. Kobe one of the NBA’S all time greatest player was killed at age 41 in a helicopter crash with his 13 year old daughter and seven others.
Earthquake in Turkey January 24 2020. About 1,607 where hospitalized.
Devastating floods in Indonesia February 23 2020
Locust swam in East Africa and south Asia. February 21 2020
Gas plant explosion in Lagos Nigeria Friday June 5 2020.
COVID-19 pandemic . The outbreak of COVID-19 is one 2020 calamity that has caused significant human suffering and global economic disruption. This pandemic is far from over and we are adopting new ways to live with the virus.
The tragic death of Gorge Floyd a 46 year old African American . On may 25 2020 Floyd was killed in Minneapolis, Minnesota after a white police office knelt on his neck for almost 9 minutes. The killing of Floyd led to a protest for justice in all 50 states in the US and 18 other countries making it the greatest protest for justice in history
That’s a handful and we are only 6 months into 2020. I felt like my life was on hold when all these started. The tragedies don’t seem to stop and nothing seems to workout. The corona virus which kept us all home is still very much around and we are just learning new ways to survive it. I started thinking to myself, how do I escape from this? am I ready for what’s to come ? I was so ready to give up on this year then it hit me. what if 2020 isn’t worth canceling like we think, what if 2020 is really the year we been waiting for? A year so uncomfortable , so painful, so scary, so raw that it forces us to grow . A year that screams so loud finally awakening us . A year we finally accept the need for change. A year we are able to measure our strength and weakness, a year we learn to find happiness even in the worst moments of life.
I am no prophet but am here to tell you 2020 isn’t canceled, it’s just getting started. You got to make the best out of it and most importantly stay united through it. The world has slowed so that we can rediscover ourselves. Remember what doesn’t kill you , makes you stronger. I am open to conversation in the comment section. Tell me how 2020 has affected you and how this write up has helped you . I am open to criticism too. Be sure to come back for my next post and remember I have a documentary going live anytime.
Getting your heart broken is absolutely awful. Trust me I know. Most of us if not everyone have been there at some point. And most Times we are left wondering how to get over it. Before getting into this blog I will love you to know I have had my own share of a broken heart. This is not a researched write up but my own personal experience and how I dealt with it. I dedicated two years into loving someone and that didn’t work out for me. There is no sure ways to avoid a heartbreak ( unless you’re a robot with no emotional feelings). There are ways how ever to get through it. Even though there are times you believe you will never truly be happy again. Healing a broken heart takes time, sometimes longer than we often expected. Often times we blame ourselves. I spent weeks blaming myself, thinking I wasn’t good enough, finding problems within me that never existed. It turns out blaming yourself for a breakup makes it even harder to move on .
Most often after a break up, looking back at the relationship, it is easy for our minds to trick us into believing the relationship was much better than what it really was. In the moment it feels like you will never get over it, I am here to tell you that you absolutely will. If I did, I strongly believe you can. You learn many lessons from a broken and heart and believe me the were red flags from the very start. Because you ignored the red flags at the begging doesn’t mean they never existed. Yes the red flags were there, you saw them and you ignored them. Until you realize the relationship wasn’t gold from the very start, moving on may seem impossible. It took me a very long time to get over a heart break, longer than I wanted it to. In this write up I will talk on the three things I realized while dealing with a broken heart.
It’s ok to grief the loss of the relationship. After a breakup we find ourself going through a wave of emotions (denial, anger, sad, depression and more). This emotion are normal. Allow yourself to grief, cry if you have too. Crying is therapy. But don’t let the breakup break you. Know you’re worth more than you think.
Cut of communication with your ex. Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. After a breakup we think we miss the ones who hurt us. No you don’t, you just miss the person you thought he or she was.
Remember what sucked. Remember the things that hurt you you most, make a list if you can. See if you really want to relive those moments.
No matter how long it takes for you to move on, just know that the experience has only made you stronger. You might eventually look back and even be grateful the relationship came to and end. Cheer-up and know you will be involve again and it will be magnificent with the right person. The memories will fade so keep your head up. Always know the best is yet to come . That’s a rap. this was requested by a very good friend and hope it does something for you.
I am still working on my documentary write up and have to something special that will go up this week. Looking forward to your opinions and experiences in the comment section below.