MY BIRTHDAY MONTH.

It’s my birthday month which I am usually stupidly always excited about every year. With every year that passes I totally embrace my new age and always thinking my new age is better than the last. I have really grown so much in the past years and this year has been a combination of the best and worst year of my life . I feel blessed for making it far into this year for many did not .

Because I am in my defining decade I don’t plan on screwing anything up . With this new age I plan on really upgrading my personality and creating long term goals . I want to share with you seven life upgrading lessons I have learned within the past years . I hope it motivates you to do the same.

I have learned to let go of my ego . Life becomes easier when you accept an apology you never got . I have learned my ego blinds and filters me from possibilities and progress.

I have learned to stop feeling bad about things of the past . The life in front of you begins in your mind. What you give power to has power over you. I learned to stop the heavy use of shoulda, woulda, coulda. Life is not a series of failures but an opportunity to get back up every time you fall .

I started taking really good care of my health. To be wealthy is to be healthy. Once your health is gone you really never get it back .

I started practicing mindfulness, I became more aware of my thoughts, my body sensation and surrounding. Mindfulness is a way of befriending ourselves. It really helps deal with stress in a very healthy way.

I learned to appreciate failure more. Failure is the best thing that can contribute to the making of an adult. To get a deeper knowledge of my understanding of failure read – THE SIMPLE POWER OF FAILURE.

I stopped making excuses and letting myself off the hook for not being the person I want to be. We will be happier and more successful if we stop giving excuses for everything.

And last but not the least I constantly want to learn something new and grow in it . Change is the end result of all true learning.

Share with me your thoughts in the comment section. Happy birthday to all born in the month of August .

A BAD WEEK

Sometimes we have those weeks where you don’t even wish you could hit rewind and do it all over again but instead wish you could hit all delete.

Here’s a little rundown of how last week went for me. Monday I was up late and missed an interview for a really great job, Tuesday my car broke down in the middle of traffic and I had to spend quite a lot to get it fixed and out of there . Wednesday I lost a friendship I cared much about , Thursday I felt really sick and could barely make it out of bed , Friday I lost my credit card and had some unknown transactions, Saturday I got a speeding ticket and Sunday after service my car wouldn’t start due to my battery dying.

It seemed that everything that could go wrong went wrong . Most reaction people have when the walls begin to crumble is crumble right along with the walls. I have learned not to allow the events in my life determine the course of my life. It is your reaction to this events that determine the quality of your lives.

When negative events seem to happen simultaneously it feels suffocating and difficult to overcome. The truth is there are many ways to cope with a bad day or week . I want to share the 3 things I did to help me through my bad week .

Dwell on the good things though it seems tough. With all the bad things happening to me there were equally good this that happened. Like I got another job interview with a better pay, got a $200 gift card from my sister to make me feel better. Instead of dwelling on this good things I made the mistake of dwelling on the bad ones. We should be thankful for the good things that happen to us no matter how small they may seem . Make a list of the good and bad things and celebrate the good ones.

Everything will be fine, it’s really not the end. Life has continual ups and down . We all have had low patches before and was able to get through them and learned from them. We are more than capable of overcoming anything . Focus on the things that makes you happy , get a massage, get some food , watch a movie . Do anything that makes you happy. As much as we might not like this idea but somethings are out of our control. Remember there are people who will love to have your bad days

Challenge yourself. Ok we had a bad week , will you let next week be the same? Accept the fact that there will always be bad days or weeks. Let the steam off , talk to someone if you have to. We have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of our life.

Share with me a week or day that was bad in your life and how you dealt with it in the comment section. I am always open to new ideas.

BE kIND

Can you recall a time when somebody was kind to you ?

Now change that scenario and think of a time you were kind to another person. Think of their reaction and how you responded.

If you read further into your mind, you should know that kindness affects the users and the experiencer . It equally affects those who witness this act .

Everyone (me included) is waiting to be discovered or become rich believing that it holds the keys of happiness, The plane fact is the planet doesn’t need more successful people as much as it desperately needs more restores, peacemakers, healers and lovers of every kind . Things could change so entirely in a heartbeat, the world could be made anew because someone was kind .

Kindness will solve many problems than conflict will ever, many people seem to think kindness portraits weakness . The reality is, it portraits growth and a healthy mindset . Always seek ways you can be the kinder person. We must be the change that we wish to see in the world.

It is not enough to say I want to be a kind person , be it , do it . It cause $0.00 to be kind . All the greats that have lived and are living now have developed their kindness to a standard of excellence. They conduct themselves in such a way that people think they are gifted . That is not the case . Kindness is something we learn and master.

I always imagine living in a perfect world where everyone is kind. People treating one another with love and respect. Then I wonder why this is only a fiction and not reality. There are Many areas in our daily life where we can be kind . I was always terrified of my employers until my present employer. He and his family are one of the kindest people I ever met . Despite the difference in social status and race he was still as kind as an angel . Little does he know his small act of kindness lives with me eternally . One act of kindness changes someone’s entire day and maybe life.

Kindness improves and strengthens social connections and relationships. It is an important prediction of satisfaction and long term stability. Kindness is contagious. Simple act of kindness sparks another and those who witness or receive this act of kindness are more likely to pay it forward . Because I saw my parents be kind to all around them and me , I will definitely be kind to all and my kids. Because my boss is kind to me and all his employees so shall we be kind to our employees and co-workers . This just goes to proves the power of kindness.

Be somebody that makes everybody feel like a somebody . The world is full of kind people if you can’t find one, be one . Kindness doesn’t only entail giving . A few kind words can help a person a lot more than you think . In a world where you can be anything , choose kindness

Share with me what you think the world will look like if everyone was just a little kind in the comment section . I will love to engage more with my readers follow my IG page real-life-challenge2.

BEING SELF-SUFFICIENT

Self-sufficient can also be called independence. The ability to be self-sufficient is something that not everyone one possesses . In order to survive this world there’s a need to be independent. It’s all about being secured in you and what you believe in . At the end of the day you have yourself to fall back on . Don’t be trapped living the results of other people’s thinking. Do we really need the approval of others for everyday decisions we make ? Being self-sufficient is not being lonely . For some reason people think it’s wired to go see a movie alone . You can’t talk to the person you go with anyway so why not go by yourself. I have learned to do a lot of activities by myself and still have same amount of fun maybe more .

People are unable to be independent for a variety of reasons, fear of being alone, the fear of rejection and the fear of the future. I too had all these fears at some point. You need to realize that your are in charge of you own happiness. Having the ability to be happy regardless of being in a relationship is an amazing attribute. There’s no reason to base your life on relationships with people. All relationships end at some point or another . Being alone is not a problem but only proves your a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others .

Establishing your personal space is virtual to understanding who you are as a person. It can be scary but it’s worth a try . Being self-sufficient increases your self-esteem . The believe that you are unable to live life without others approval is and attribute of low self-esteem. Learn to be comfortable with your independence. Adopt good self care habits like , eating healthy, exercising and taking time for yourself. Have a good work or school balance . I have spent so much time improving my self care habits and less time worrying about people absent from my life .

Being self-sufficient is a beautiful behavior that everyone should achieve. It allows you to embrace your thoughts and establish healthy habits . I can not stress enough how important it is to be independent. So many things are out of your control and always will . The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself. Share with me your opinions in the comment section below .

I would love to give a shout out to DR Fawzy Masoud . He is a senior accredited psychotherapist base in London . Be sure to check his website http://www.psychotherapy-londons.com/ Also get a copy of his new romance comedy play “My Heart Not My Eyes” . I have read it and will totally recommend it .

OPINIONS

Growing up all I cared about was people’s opinions about me. I was always afraid to let anyone down . My lack of self esteem played a great role in this. There’s a popular saying “Sticks and stones my break my bone but words can never hurt me”. That’s false , words do hurt or at least they can. Sometimes we really don’t want to care what others think of us . Sometimes we succeed and most times we fail. Even a completely ridiculous and untrue opinion by a total stranger which should not hurt, does hurt. It’s hard to suppress your emotions when people are doing their best to get you going .

Caring about others opinion is a social pain. it hurts when mean things are said about us. (believe me I know ). All my life I always heard very strange things about me and most times from complete strangers. I tried to avoid this pain like most people would, and become people pleasers . The thing is you are always going to meet someone who dislikes you, hurt you and mocks you. It is Part of life’s journey. There’s something to keep in mind “what a person say about you is not necessarily about you but them. Opinions only have the value that we assign to them .

The truth is people will always have something to sayabout you. No matter what you do Or say, how you behave, The way you walk or dress And how you act. Opinions have no basis in defining what you really are all about. It’s always important to take the highroad. We don’t leave in a perfect world where everyone is the same, with the same set of skills, upbringing, or talent. It’s very OK to be different and nobody likes difference.

It’s literally impossible to please everyone. No matter what decision you make Someone is going to be upset. They will judge what you do for your children, what you do for a living and your educational path. How can you expect to please them all. It is impossible to please everyone or anyone. What’s good for others might not be good for you. As long as We continue to give people the power to judge us and allow their negative opinions about us to affect us negatively they will never stop.

I use to walk into a room full of people and wonder if the like me, now I look around and wonder if I like them . Share with me how opinions have affected you in the comment section.

THE SIMPLE POWER OF FAILURE.

In my previous blog post titled “when to give up “ constant failure was a key point . In my conclusion it was clearly stated that giving up should never be an option but if it is, then it’s time to . How do you react when you fail? I have failed in so many aspects over the years . Class examination, my first job, my first driving test, my business venture , the list can go on and on. Most of us (me included) think failure is unacceptable, as a result we dream of a land of perfectionism where there are few risk and fewer opportunities. Obviously failure isn’t something any of us enjoy. But for a lot of successful people the long term gain is worth the pain at the front end. Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly .

Failure can be an efficient teacher in our carriers, our financial lives and in living our goals . Before you can fail, you have to expand your horizons, take new risk . Many people avoid failure because the are scared of moving backwards after success. But even if your moving in the wrong direction, your still headed somewhere. Every slip up bring you one step closer to success. It inspires us to broaden our thinking . The more you work on something the more meaning it carries . If it were so easy to accomplish our goals then it won’t be worth accomplishing.

Failure has a way of motivating and keeping you humble. It helps overcome fear . Once you face it, it becomes the enemy you know. There’s a popular saying “if it doesn’t kill you, it only makes you stronger.” This familiarity helps you move with confidence that a stumble or a fall won’t be the end of your journey. Society seems to have a huge hang up on failure, using it to define us , stop us from trying again .

Sometimes failing at something even if you truly desire it is and indication that something elsewhere isn’t right. Luckily for us we live in a prosperous world. Where there isn’t just one opportunity to do anything. There are always second chances and sometimes third .

Failure isn’t what defines us but and asset for our growing skill. It builds character. When you fail you develop a deeper understanding of yourself. success is often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable. There’s so much I have and we can all learn from failure . I have not failed I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work . Have you benefited from failure ? What is the most surprising or important lessons it taught you?

Share it with me in the comment section , I am always open to all opinions.

WHEN YOU THINK YOUR NOT GOOD ENOUGH REMEMBER THIS.

Sometimes if not often I am really unfair to myself and relentlessly compare myself to other people , no matter how many times I hear how good enough I am. I get stuck in myself and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much. Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip. Most times the pressure coming from peers, family, work and society in general Is enough to make us completely broken Inside. “Why is this a problem you ask ?” well Self-hate can affect us mentally, our relationships, our life goals and education. Dealing with self-hate has been an ongoing battle for so long, maybe it has to do with my obsession with perfection. And for you struggling with self-hate like me here’s a few things to remember.

1) Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. The reasons we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes circumstances with everyone’s else’s public highlight reel. Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgoing yourself to live your best life.

2) Remember happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is“ rather than wishing and worrying about what is not, “what supposed to be” or “what it will not be”. You can’t control everything that happens to you you can only control the way you react to what happens.

3) When you choose to be miserable you will find plenty of reasons to be but if you choose happiness, life will give you so many reasons to be happy. You are in control of your mind and your thoughts, not the other way around.

4) Failures are really just lessons that need to be learned. No day is ever wasted when you live it with purpose and presence. Enjoy the journey when there are detours along the way. Life it self is full mistakes how we learn from this mistakes is the definition of who we are .

5) Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first then the lessons afterwards. This is really a blessing if we look at it in a Christian light, means you’re going stronger and more capable of every passing day.

6) You don’t need anyone’s approval. Stop listening to what the world has to say and start listening to you. There are only a few people in the world that will be 100% honest with you and you’re one of them. You’re more than good enough you just have to own it .

7) celebrate all your wins not only the big ones but the small ones too. A small step forward is still a step forward no matter how small it is. Celebrate the small wins in anyway you can. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself. Tell yourself you’re not up to a potential won’t help you reach that potential.

You’re enough just the way you are, it will be a lot easier every time you remind yourself s of that. You may think there’s a lot of wrong with you but there’s also a lot of right with you . Remember you’re not alone and endings are also new beginnings.

Share with me the points that relate to you most in the comment section and I am always open to opinions.

Dealing with change.

As much as I think of myself as easy-going, I struggle like many others to deal with change. I like having my future mapped out in a list and ideas in fact I try to minimize the level of uncertainty in my life. My struggles with change has been an ongoing battle for years but became more difficult at the start of the world’s pandemic. Change is the law of life, Often times the hardest changes to understand and adjust to are the ones that are unexpected and out of control. Any life is a life of change. We experience transition in work and relationships, Changes in our physical health, mental health, and changes around the world. Like the global pandemic we are all dealing with. Sometimes change is expected while other times it comes suddenly and unexpectedly. Maybe it’s a disappointment or a wonderful surprise.

There are moments in our life when we look around and realize that everything is changing and we just don’t know how to control it. Everyone goes through changes in their lives, I have dealt with changes some good and some bad . If we can learn to leave with change We will lower the risk of depression, relationships will be more healthy, our minds and bodies will flourish. Luckily there are ways to adapt to change and even take advantage of it . I will share with you the five ways I Learned to deal with change.

1) Focus on your values instead of your fears. Remind yourself of what’s important. Reflecting on personal values helps us rise above the immediate threat. Don’t expect stability in whatever situation. instead of feeling personally attacked think of the good things life has offered you.

2) Give yourself a break in time of change. You may feel out of control, you may feel like your not living up to your expectations. Nothing says you have to function 100% all the time. Change is one of the greatest things about being human. Once I accepted that I couldn’t control some things changing, I became less anxious.

3) Be patient. It takes time to adapt to differences. trust the process. It takes a long time to adapt to change . Especially a negative change . Take for example the pandemic Covid-19. It is likely to be around for a long time, we must learn to be patient with the changes it’s bringing. I am not a patient person but I have learned to achieve it. Life may start one way and end another way.

4) Be part of the change . Adopt an attitude of anticipation and excitement. See change as an opportunity. See the positivity in the way forward. I was resistant to the changes in 2020 until I saw them as an opportunity to turn things around . See it as a growth and learning process.

5) find new meaning. Adapt to new realities, the key is to remember that change is everywhere and It may take away the outer things in your life. It doesn’t have to change who you are and what you have been working hard for. Find new ways to live with the change and new meanings to it .

It’s not so much that we are afraid of change or are so involved with our old ways, but it’s the place in between that we fear. Share with me your opinion on dealing with change in the comment section.

WHEN TO GIVE UP

Often times we ask ourselves is it time to give up. Growing up I refused to take no for an answer especially from my dad even when I never really needed the stuff I asked for. That’s really when I understood it will be difficult for me to give up on things. However I have realized that blind persistence could turn into an exhausting and useless quest. One of the biggest challenges in life is knowing when to give up or change direction. It’s OK to stop trying maybe we would be a lot healthier, maybe wealthier and altogether happier , if we gave up on many things holding us back. Yeah I know we have been told never to give up , that has been the key verse in many of my write ups. No one likes to quit, perseverance is a great quality. A lot of great people would never have found success if they hadn’t kept getting up every time they got knocked down.

Listen, sometimes giving up is exactly what we should do. Yeah we are taught perseverance but sometimes that perseverance is what keeps us from moving forward. We all face life situations that demand that we choose to keep trying or give up. Professional situations, romantic relationships, relationships with family or friends. Giving up doesn’t make you a Failure. It only means you are mature enough to know when to cut your loss and move on. It means you are someone who has the ability to protect their mental health.

The painful truth is that some dreams don’t come true, some relationships Will never be healthy, some people will never love you the way you need to be loved. There are times you know In your heart it won’t work out, let’s say you are trying to sustain a friendship that is going through a rough patch. Think about if the person is willing to put as much effort as you are if not I think it’s time for you to find new friends.

Dreams are wonderful but we shouldn’t sacrifice our daily happiness for the hope of happiness in some distant future. Are you happy as you pursue your goals? Think about what you really want. Life is about the journey not the Destiination. ( it’s not how fast you go but how far you go). If the Journey makes you miserable then the Destiination is not worth it. What scares you from quitting? Are you worried about letting someone down? You can’t sacrifice your own happiness to make others happy. Let other people take care of themselves. Do what ever You need to find your own happiness.

The idea of giving up on something you’ve held so close to you can be terrifying. Especially in a relationship. Even when you think you can’t leave without that person, Remember that You are great no matter the decision you make. You’ll feel a loss at first but new desires and relationships will come. Following a long term dream isn’t going to be heart and roses all the time. If trying to accomplish your dreams make you feel like a failure then is time to stop. You’re only human you don’t have the power to bend the world to your wheel. Move on and find something that fulfills you. When the idea of giving up floats you with relief then is time to.

Giving up should never be your first option and yes it’s ok to if it’s an option. Share with me the situations in your life that makes you feel like giving up in the comment section. Would love to hear your opinion on this .

GETTING RID OF FAKE FRIENDS

I used to be afraid of loosing people until I realized most of them were never really down for me anyways. Even though my loyalty and love for them ran deep. Your fake friends are ruining you. I know it sounds harsh but it’s important to know who your real friends are . It can be challenging to know your friends are actually frenemies. What is a frenemy? it is someone Your friendly with , They might pretend to want you to do good on the surface but behind your back they are jealous and gossip about you. Unfortunately we leave in the kind of world where we run into these people. Don’t take it personal when you encounter a fake friend . A person who is fake to you is equally fake to others .

I mean for years I was surrounded by frenemies. The thing is it is always had to tell if someone is a fake friend. Keep in mind that feeling suspicious of a persons sincerity is usually a sign that something is not right. Before getting into why getting rid of fake friends is important let’s talk about how to identify a Frenemy. The five ways below are ways I knew I had Frenemies and not friends.

1) your friendship with them is conditional: A conditional friendship is when your friends expect you to give them certain things, act a certain way, dress in certain clothes Or follow some superficial standards before they can be friends with you. If someone requires you to be something other than yourself before they are friends with you , that’s not a real friend. The day I changed was the day I quit trying to fit in a world that never really fit me.

2) fake friends act differently when they are around other people. This is an obvious sign of a fake friend. There always nice to you privately and give you cold shoulders around others. Real friends are never ashamed of treating you with kindness and never laugh at you around their friends but speak highly of you .

3) fake friends will speak poorly of you behind your back. Why would someone you consider a friend feel it’s ok to talk about you to others . When you genuinely care about someone you never speak about their difficulties or problems to another. The worst pain is getting hurt by a person you explain your pain to.

4) fake friends stop talking to you after a disagreement Or take problems to social media. The real test of friendship occurs when you and your friend actually disagree on something. It is times like these you see a person‘s true colors. Do they talk about the problem with you or others? Do they try to work it out Or take it to social media throwing all kinds of subs at you? People show their true colors unintentionally pay attention. Real friends always talk things out, yes they do fight about things but always find a way to work it out with you and not others.

5) fake friends always bring you down. Yes they want to see you do good but never better than them remember that. They never support you in anything you do but always find a way to bring you down.

Why it’s important to access your friends actions it is also important to honestly reflect on your own actions. Honestly I haven’t been a very good friend to many and yeah I can admit to that . I really became a good friend when I was able to differentiate my friends and Frenemies. Unfortunately friends who you once couldn’t get enough of morph Into people you no longer want to have in your life. Now that you have identified your Frenemies let’s talk about how to get rid of them .

1) rise above pettiness and bitterness. Friendship rarely ends in a positive note especially if you made the conscious decision of actively removing someone from your life, but with fake friends it has to be done. Don’t attack them, don’t stop talking to them either. If they talk to you it’s ok to respond. Check on them if you have to but never consider them a friend. Consider them more of an acquaintance than a friend. Always remember to be Kind .

2) You lose some you gain a tone more. Although you might be losing the people closest to you, you are still surrounded by many genuine friends who care and love you not to mention the really cool friends you’re going to meet in the future. There are no strangers only friends you haven’t met yet. The only time I realized I had genuine friends was when I got rid of fake friends.

3) forgive and forget. Don’t hold onto the anger and bitterness . some relationship have an expiring date and you can’t help that. The universe has a plan and the journey of you guys being friends have now come to an end no had feelings Let it go . Sometimes you just have to be done ,not mad ,not upset just done.

Share your worst friendship experiences with me in the comment section would love to read them . Make sure to always come back for more real life inspiration.

IS 2020 CANCELED?

January 1 2020 marked the beginning of a new decade that many looked at with optimsm and a chance on a new lesson on life. Now only a few months into 2020 many are wondering if this year could get any worst. I wonder if what has happened so far could be a forbidding indicator of what is to come. 2020 has been and emotional draining year for me, with so many tragedies happening around the world and the personal adjustment I have had to make. I believe am not alone on these and feel like many feel the same way . And many like me have come to the conclusion that 2020 is a year worth canceling . Before going into my point I would like to give a recap of the events that have occurred around the world.

  1. Australian bush fire. More than half of Australia have been directly affected by bush fire crises including millions whose health were affected. This occurred January 9 2020 at the very start of the year.
  2. Taal volcano eruption in the Philippine which occurred January 12 2020. There were no immediate reports of casualties but there was major damage.
  3. The tragic death of Kobe Bryant on January 26 2020. Kobe one of the NBA’S all time greatest player was killed at age 41 in a helicopter crash with his 13 year old daughter and seven others.
  4. Earthquake in Turkey January 24 2020. About 1,607 where hospitalized.
  5. Devastating floods in Indonesia February 23 2020
  6. Locust swam in East Africa and south Asia. February 21 2020
  7. Gas plant explosion in Lagos Nigeria Friday June 5 2020.
  8. COVID-19 pandemic . The outbreak of COVID-19 is one 2020 calamity that has caused significant human suffering and global economic disruption. This pandemic is far from over and we are adopting new ways to live with the virus.
  9. The tragic death of Gorge Floyd a 46 year old African American . On may 25 2020 Floyd was killed in Minneapolis, Minnesota after a white police office knelt on his neck for almost 9 minutes. The killing of Floyd led to a protest for justice in all 50 states in the US and 18 other countries making it the greatest protest for justice in history

That’s a handful and we are only 6 months into 2020. I felt like my life was on hold when all these started. The tragedies don’t seem to stop and nothing seems to workout. The corona virus which kept us all home is still very much around and we are just learning new ways to survive it. I started thinking to myself, how do I escape from this? am I ready for what’s to come ? I was so ready to give up on this year then it hit me. what if 2020 isn’t worth canceling like we think, what if 2020 is really the year we been waiting for? A year so uncomfortable , so painful, so scary, so raw that it forces us to grow . A year that screams so loud finally awakening us . A year we finally accept the need for change. A year we are able to measure our strength and weakness, a year we learn to find happiness even in the worst moments of life.

I am no prophet but am here to tell you 2020 isn’t canceled, it’s just getting started. You got to make the best out of it and most importantly stay united through it. The world has slowed so that we can rediscover ourselves. Remember what doesn’t kill you , makes you stronger. I am open to conversation in the comment section. Tell me how 2020 has affected you and how this write up has helped you . I am open to criticism too. Be sure to come back for my next post and remember I have a documentary going live anytime.

DEALING WITH A BROKEN HEART

Getting your heart broken is absolutely awful. Trust me I know. Most of us if not everyone have been there at some point. And most Times we are left wondering how to get over it. Before getting into this blog I will love you to know I have had my own share of a broken heart. This is not a researched write up but my own personal experience and how I dealt with it. I dedicated two years into loving someone and that didn’t work out for me. There is no sure ways to avoid a heartbreak ( unless you’re a robot with no emotional feelings). There are ways how ever to get through it. Even though there are times you believe you will never truly be happy again. Healing a broken heart takes time, sometimes longer than we often expected. Often times we blame ourselves. I spent weeks blaming myself, thinking I wasn’t good enough, finding problems within me that never existed. It turns out blaming yourself for a breakup makes it even harder to move on .

Most often after a break up, looking back at the relationship, it is easy for our minds to trick us into believing the relationship was much better than what it really was. In the moment it feels like you will never get over it, I am here to tell you that you absolutely will. If I did, I strongly believe you can. You learn many lessons from a broken and heart and believe me the were red flags from the very start. Because you ignored the red flags at the begging doesn’t mean they never existed. Yes the red flags were there, you saw them and you ignored them. Until you realize the relationship wasn’t gold from the very start, moving on may seem impossible. It took me a very long time to get over a heart break, longer than I wanted it to. In this write up I will talk on the three things I realized while dealing with a broken heart.

  1. It’s ok to grief the loss of the relationship. After a breakup we find ourself going through a wave of emotions (denial, anger, sad, depression and more). This emotion are normal. Allow yourself to grief, cry if you have too. Crying is therapy. But don’t let the breakup break you. Know you’re worth more than you think.
  2. Cut of communication with your ex. Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. After a breakup we think we miss the ones who hurt us. No you don’t, you just miss the person you thought he or she was.
  3. Remember what sucked. Remember the things that hurt you you most, make a list if you can. See if you really want to relive those moments.

No matter how long it takes for you to move on, just know that the experience has only made you stronger. You might eventually look back and even be grateful the relationship came to and end. Cheer-up and know you will be involve again and it will be magnificent with the right person. The memories will fade so keep your head up. Always know the best is yet to come . That’s a rap. this was requested by a very good friend and hope it does something for you.

I am still working on my documentary write up and have to something special that will go up this week. Looking forward to your opinions and experiences in the comment section below.

GOAL SETTING

Everyone has different goals, depending on life style, values and definition of success. Your goals are unique to you and don’t need to look like anyone else. Goal setting can be defined as identifying something you want to accomplish and establishing measurable objective to help you achieve it. Setting goals can help you in every area of your life, from achieving finical freedom to adopting a healthy diet. This has been my case. I was always very careless with my spending and didn’t set goals and priority (like paying my bills on time or saving). I was able to break through this by setting progressive goals that allowed me small wins like saving, working out daily and eating healthy. Small wins like this helps you move on to larger achievements . Being able to set goals and achieve them have been an overwhelming feeling of joy.

Gaol setting is also vital cause it help you decide and focus on what is really important to you. Before this very moment I had no goals, no plans for the future . I lived everyday blindfolded not knowing what I really wanted. Setting effective goals lets you measure your life progress and see how far you’ve come. If you don’t set any goals , you can’t have a plan for life. Many people sometimes feel as if they’re adrift in the world. They work hard but don’t seem to get anywhere worthwhile. A key reason is cause they haven’t spent enough time setting goals on what they really want from life. AS mentioned earlier this was a big deal with me .

To set goals first consider what you want to achieve, and then commit to set smart and specific goals. Goals that motivate you to write them down to feel tangible. You always want to set goals that inspire you and not others. It is better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to clime than to be at the top of the one you don’t. I always wanted some kind of approval from everyone, so much that I did whatever made them happy and not me. To conclude this right up, I will give you five tips on setting effective goals that I am currently working with.

  1. State each goal as a positive statement. Check out my blog post on being positive. Never be negative while setting a goal.
  2. Write goals down. This crystallizes them and give them more force.
  3. Set realistic goals. it is important to set goals that you can achieve. setting unrealistic goals lead to failure.
  4. Set priorities within your goal. When you have several goals, give each a priority. This helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed and not balanced. (check out my blog on finding balance for more on this)
  5. Be precise with your goals. Put your goals in dates and time so you can measure you achievement

Always remember to share your opinions in the comment section. I won’t be writing as often because I am working an a very important documentary. I believe will be one of my best works. it is the success journey of the world richest man and I am excited for you guys to read. In the main time be sure to come back for my next post on achieving goals.

FINDING BALANCE.

In my previous blog on having a productive mindset, the very last point on that topic was balance. Fortunately the desire for peace of mind and the desire of having a balance life have become an increasing topic of discussion. Vast majority of people will like to find a way to live their life in balance. Life is very much a balancing act and we are always a step away from falling. You are always trying to achieve goals, all while trying to keep in balance the various elements of your lives. If any aspect of your life takes a disproportionate amount of energy you will have to short change the other aspects. Finding balance is dealing with areas that take up too much energy and align them, so that you have energy available for others areas. It is up to you to balance all different aspect of your life.

Balance is not the final goal but and on going process. Rather than trying to stay balance think of yourself practicing balance over and over again. The problem is always figuring out what is more important and doing them. In order to practice balance you will have to re-examine your priorities regularly. In this write up I will talk on six ways you can practice balance.

Set goals in every area of your life. To assist you remember your ultimate goal is balance.

Make time to reassess yourself on daily basis.

Make conscious decision to become balance.

Access your life as it is now and make changes in the areas that don’t align.

Be willing to take risk in every areas of your life.

Plan every task. Make a list of your daily, monthly , and weekly plans.

The key to your balance is knowing when you’ve lost it. Never get so busy making a living that you forget to get a life. And remember you will never fine time for anything if you don’t make time for it. Focus on being balanced success is balance. In my next blog I will talk about the importance of saving. Feel free to communicate your opinion in the comment section below and always come back for more.

HAVING A PRODUCTIVE MINDSET

A productive mindset is one that make use of your resources. It is not trying to do everything and be everything. It is making the best of what you have while enjoying the process. In this write up I will love to talk about the characteristics of a productive mindset.

Positive attitude : This is a must have when working on having a productive mind set. Not just for productivity but for success in general. You need to stay positive to achieve positive things in life. Yes we all get negative thoughts, yes we all get nervous. The good news is you are in control of your thoughts and can decide to change the negative thoughts into positive ones.

Persistence: This is my personal favorite. Although having motivation is a huge part of what gets you working towards your goals, you need persistence to keep you going. Most often motivation isn’t strong enough to pull you through difficult times. It is guaranteed that you will struggles , there will be times when you will feel like giving up. Being persistent is the only thing that can keep you going .

Vision: To be able to visualize your goals helps you focus and gives you and idea of what their outcome will look like. Vision helps gives you a variety of goals and their outcome. It is more difficult to strive for goals without having an idea of what the goals are.

Self-confidence: This was a topic on it’s own in my previous blog. It is believing that you are fully capable and can do whatever you set your mind to. Without self-confidence and faith you can not value the potential of your goal.

Balance: To function well and get the most out of life, we must maintain balance. Doing too much or pushing too hard on anything can lead to burnout or frustration. Take some time off for yourself, go on vacations. It is important to have fun while working towards your goals.

To conclude with, productivity is the absolute key to success. It also gets rid of negativity in your live. Like always I will love your opinion in the comment section. Remember to always come back for more Real Life Inspiration.

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FIVE THINGS TO BOOST YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE.

Low self-esteem is like driving through with your hand breaks on. Nobody is born with limitless self-confidence. IF anyone seems to have an incredible self- confidence it’s because he/she had worked on building it for years. I always lacked self-confidence. Everyone’s opinion seemed to matter for some reason. This held me back from making decisions that pleased me. I needed to over com that fear. This is something we all face to some degree. I still have fears undoubtedly . Now I know that I can beat them, I can break through the walls of fear.

As an aside, I know some people make strong distinction between self-esteem and self confidence. The difference being wether you believe your worthy of respect from others (self-esteem) and wether you believe in yourself (self confidence). In the end both amount to the same thing. You do not have to be reliant on others to increase you self-confidence. If you believe that you’re not very attractive and entertaining to be around, you should think again. We all have something unique about us that everyone enjoys.

Below I outline FIVE things that will help you take control of your self-confidence. there’s more, but these five worked for me and I hope it does for you.

Speak to yourself: it’s always delightful to get a good feed back from others. However always seeking approval from outside is and easy trap. Approve yourself, be the one the one that says the words of encouragement you long to hear.

Build your capacity of energy: A bit of stress can be useful to keep alert and give us the extra energy needed to perform. Knowing how to engage with the feelings in your body will expand your presence rather than shrinking it.

Photoshop yourself image: ourself image is very important to us more than we often realize. Often we create a mental image of ourself, and if this image isn’t fixed and immutable, you need to change it. Use your mental photoshopping skill and work on your self image. Figure out why you see yourself in a certain way and change it.

Get to know yourself: when your trying to overcome a negative self image and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. listen often to your thoughts, think about what makes you different, what makes you happy. Think of the limitations you have created for yourself. Dig deep within you, face the things you fear the most.

Groom yourself: sometimes changing certain aspects about yourself, helps boost your self-confidence. Get new habits like exercising often, shower twice a day, dress nicely, go out when necessary , be more organized, chase you goals and learn to always take risk.

To conclude with, I will emphasize on the point that , you are in charge of your own happiness. If something makes you happy , go for it. People fear what they don’t understand. Feel free to communicate with me in the comment section and don’t forget rot come back for my write up on having a productive mindset.

MOVING FORWARD.

From my previous blog titled (GET INSPIRED), you get to know a side of me people never open up about. I am not here to write more about my past, not this time. In my conclusion I emphasized on the fact that we are capable of so much more than we think. God is constantly trying to open our eyes to amazing possibilities. In life there are two questions that confront people at every place and time, questions that confront you and me. Are you satisfied with the direction the world is moving? Are you satisfied with your life?

These questions are always before you , within you and around you. You are capable of incredible things. Don’t be afraid to embrace your beautiful self. The more you accept how imperfect you are, the more others will. Do not be afraid of possibilities, they are always so many more than the ones you see easily. Moving forward is never easy, there will be joy in the journey as well as a heart-wrenching pain. Any one who says the path is easy is to be distrusted. Life is difficult and messy, there’s no point trying to mask that or pretend otherwise.

How often have you fallen into the trap of thinking that the things of this world are more important than they really are? How often have we mistaken that certain things, pleasure and experience will make us happy for longer than they did? Yes there may have been times in your life you tried with all your might to overcome destructive habits and failed. We all have insatiable heart desires. Today is a new day and every moment is a chance to turn it around. This might be the begining of a new season of grace in your life. I hope it is, I pray it is. Where ever you are today I invite you to open your self up, love yourself like I learned to do. Try new things, leave the mistakes of the past in the past. Make new mistakes, we learn from the mistakes we make. Take risk and don’t fear the consequences. Only very few things bring us happiness in life.

Check on my write up on Successful and productive routines. It’s a major step to moving forward. In my next blog I will write more on having a productive mindset. I am open to your opinions in the comment section even if you don’t agree with me. Remember to always come back for more.

Get inspired

I have never felt good about breaking laws and hurting people. It doesn’t bring me peace. I figured in life it’s either them or me. The thing is I was so hungry to be accepted, known, loved, respected and recognized. I knew if I didn’t lie about who I am, I wouldn’t get the things I desire. i supposed we all have the basic survival instinct, but most of the people who judge people like me have never been ignored or looked down upon. it breeds depression and desperate people do desperate things.

so I did what I had to do. I lied, i lied about myself and background. my siblings and parents. everybody was always better off than I was, well at least to me they were. i knew it was wrong but I was young. The lies went on and got even deeper. Some lies became the truth. I quickly discovered that a girl needs more than lies, you have to live the life style you claim to have. you had to attend parties, even throw them. Not too long I was a whole new person even hurting those that knew me for me and loved me for me. I told myself that it wouldn’t be forever but we tell ourselves all sort of things. I told myself once high school was over, in college I would be myself , I would change.

Time went by and I was able to keep up with the lies. I got into college and it crossed my mind. Nobody knows me here. This is my chance to live my truth, the real me. I thought about making new friends and living and honest life. Later that night I was invited to a really cool party with some really rich and cool kids. It wasn’t long before I had the reputation of lying again. About who I am. The lies they all came back. I couldn’t sleep at night, it was high school all over gain. Yes I felt guilty I love my parents, I love what they do , I was proud of them, yet I wanted more. I decided to change colleges. yes I did. In a new country far away from home where no one really knows me.This time I was determined to start all over and live my truth. This is my chance, my heart was filled with hope. I never wanted to be hungry with fame and popularity, I wanted what was real. I remember my first day. I immediately connected with someone. She was someone most people will call a nerd but she was exactly what I was.

Hope filled my heart again. I was honest with her, and she loved me even more . I spent my entire life chancing fake friends, who only cared about what I was and not who I am. who would have left me in a heartbeat if they found out who I really was. I became popular, not from lies but from excelling, In my grades and college sporting actives . Yes I had the fame I seek, this time it was for something honest, something I was good at, Surrounded by friend who loved me for me. They say every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. If I could lean in close to you and whisper something in your ear, it would be, if there are pieces of your past that are weighing you down, its time to leave them behind. You are not what happened to you. You are someone unimaginably greater than you ever considered, and maybe its time to consider all possibilities that are within you.

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